My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
