bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
