I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
