I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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