You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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