I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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