Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
