Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
