There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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