Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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