please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
