Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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