Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
