so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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