good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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