I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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