so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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