happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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