YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
