You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
