i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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