All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
please come you make the beer taste better
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dignity is for republicans.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
