Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
