i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
