Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
