i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
