Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
