I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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