ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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