he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
