Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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