There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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