how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize