I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
