The maid of honor just puked.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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