I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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