I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
