I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
