who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
