Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Me too!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
