Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You work out of a Hotel?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
