i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
