4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
