hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
