They should really pass out barf bags in church
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
