Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
