So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
