so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
