Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
