Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
