a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
