just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
