FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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