I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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