Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
