Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize