I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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