MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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