I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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