Im at strip club and am horny
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
