note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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