i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
