Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
